Sunday, August 9, 2009

Tranny FILTH!!! (or... How I happened to catch Pink Flamingos at Peaches Christ's Midnight Mass)

Man, I really need to do something about my life... I think I've gotten my sleep rhythm nearly completely reversed, yet again.. I woke up from a fitful 6 hour nap at 8:00 tonight (last night?) and realized there really wasn't much I'd be able to do with my 'day', as it were. But lo and behold, I check the Midnight Mass website (http://www.peacheschrist.com/mmass/2009/index.html) and Pink Flamingos was actually NOT yet sold out!

Fast forward to a few hours later. Sadly, I got in late and missed the opening act, but I did arrive just in time to witness the Filthiest Person in SF showdown. Watched a tranny drink a beer that she'd previously soaked a supposedly sweaty straight man's sock in (clearly an audience plant if I ever did see one), a young lady dressed up like Selma Blair's character in A Dirty Shame eat what turned out to be fake poo from a giftwrapped box, a shall we say plump tranny attempt to perform "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables before being cut off (sadly Jamie Farr and a gong were not involved), several rather attractive younger women toss apparently real used tampons and sanitary napkins into the audience (I only hope Johnny Rotten doesn't sue), and the coup-de-grace (and winner of the event) was Lois Denominator's performance of a Captain and Tenille song culminating in the rectal insertion of several live mice.. Yes, indeed, no one was to top that one, although one of the tranny judges rimming a poor young straight dude onstage prior to the onset of horrors was also placed into the running..

And with that, on to the film. I'd never seen Pink Flamingos before. Shocked? Well, you should be. I thought I'd seen many fucked up flicks in my day, but clearly this is one that had scooted under my radar for far too long (as was last night's midnight show of "Get Crazy" at the Castro Theater, but I'll discuss that some other time). Well, there's no shortage of disappointment in the viewing of what was considered the most disgusting film of it's time (1972, hey that's *MY* time too!) which still lives up to and trumps those same standards here in the jaded days of 2009.

Chicken fucking (and, as a consequence, dying), incestual tranny fellatio, and dogshit chewing aside, the movie's goddamned funny. And every time I saw the character of Crackers show up, I couldn't help but think to myself just how perfect for the role Brad Pitt would be. And so, of course, I've formulated a plan:

Stage 1: Already done! Have another John Waters film turned into an award-winning broadway musical and then have that musical used as the basis for a "remake" of the original film with highly credited Hollywood actors.

Stage 2: On the basis of the phenominal success of the Hairspray musical and remake, write a musical version of Pink Flamingos and get it just as renowned and award winning. Anyone care to be the George to my obviously Ira Gershwin?

Stage 3: A Hollywood remake of Pink Flamingos starring John Travolta in the Divine role, since he's clearly going to be typecast from here on out. Secure Brad Pitt for the part of Crackers Johnson and VOILA!: John Travolta sucking Brad Pitt's cock in what is sure to be an award-winning moment, if nowhere else than at the MTV Movie Awards!


Well, it's just an idea... For now.

pt...
irasexira69@yahoo.com

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